You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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