All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
