she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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