Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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