BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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