Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
