at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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