so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
