her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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