So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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