i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
not ubering you a puppy
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
