connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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