if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's Friday. Sex?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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