Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize