JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
