I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize