i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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