I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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