well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
