Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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