we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
