just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
