ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
