Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
