I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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