It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
