My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
