I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
