I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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