So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
