she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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