Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Michael Bay diarrhea
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize