that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
