so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
