I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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