break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
