Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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