Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
