dude i'm inner monologue high
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
