I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
