he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
