Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
