I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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