ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
