My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
