She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize