positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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