I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
