I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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