So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
