I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
