So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
