sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
