They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize