we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
