His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize