You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
