I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
