I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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