Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
