I just cut my nipple shaving
Need sex. Gaining weight.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
