Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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