if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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