We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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