So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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