he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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