Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
