That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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